But that's okay

So. What a shoking news. But that's okay. I'll be alright. I know I've been pushing you away, with my attitude. Siapa tak sakit hati ? But that's okay. Sebab I know who am I. I'm not even an average girl. Aku tak cantik macam dia, aku tak tinggi macam dia, aku tak fair macam dia. And tak kisah macam mana aku fight dengan dia dalam academic, dia tetap jadi your choice sebab that's all doesnt matter to you. Betul kan apa yang aku penah cakap. We love because of its/ones beauty, value. Well ada juga because of ones attitude. Tapi jarang nak jumpa. 

I thought masa I accepted you back, you have changed but I was wrong. People keep changing, bettering themselves but it is an exceptional untuk kau, Kau tak pernah berubah. Always always and always give hopes. Tak salah la few days ago aku decided nak leave dari kau. Just like I did months backs. Ya . Just like what I did. Aku sedih in fact, sangat sedih. Tapi apa kan daya kan. Just embrace the fact ja lah. That's all what I can do. 

'tunang ja pun'. Ya. Ja pun. Tapi for me, this is the end, between us. We are done. But when did it ever begin ? I tried to play his game tapi tah. Dari awal lagi memang tak get along. Takda common interest, Nothing to share about. Tapi aku ja yang bertahan ? Or kau juga begitu. Terpaksa tahan dengan perangai aku. But that's okay. Ive been through benda ni. Harap this time it will be less hurtful. 

to you;

You told me that you stick with me, because of you love me. And through whatever; the thick and the thin.After all the promises that we were fine and that she meant nothing to you, you still ended up with her. Literally I trusted you. I cant trust you anymore because you said we were 'forever', but as soon as someone better came along, you left. You left after you promised you wouldnt. After countless times of you screwing me over, you just vanished and went to her. I knew. I knew I shouldnt trust you and I'm so confused and disappointed in myself because why did i think this time would be different ? I let you call me sayang and I actually believed you meant it. When you promised you wanted me, I took those words and held onto them. I cant believe I let myself be fooled by you once again. I thought I wouldnt let it happen again. But man, i was so wrong. I should have never answered you, at the first place. I'm done having you in and out . At least i should say it. To you. I'm mentally, physically done. 

to dear self;

dont let the unknown stop you. Bettering yourself. Dont be sad. This is not the end of everything. You might end up living alone because of your looks. But, as long as it didnt stop you being successful, just go with it. Im so pathetic. But that's okay. In fact, I'm just seventeen.